Friday, December 26, 2014

Regrets

Sunday was a great day that ended a great weekend. We did a fair amount of nothing, and since it was the first weekend of winter break, there wasn't any guilt involved. I made a DELICIOUS scrambled egg concoction for breakfast, followed that with a fruitless quest for a Christmas tree stand, then came home and watched football and drank a couple beers instead of wrapping presents - that could wait until Monday when we got the tree up.

John and I watched a movie in bed, and around 10:00 we began to wonder where Eric had been all day. It's not unusual for him to sleep and/or stay in his room until late in the evening, but we hadn't heard the usual music or YouTube commentary coming through the door. Figuring that he went someplace with his momma, and that's why his car was still in the driveway, John sent him a "Where are you?" text. Around midnight, after no response, He went into Eric's room and found him still asleep.

But we couldn't wake him up.

And when we shook him to try to wake him, he was cold to the touch.

And for the first time in my life, I called 911.

And our boy is dead. I don't know how to say it in a nicer way. I don't want to say it in a nicer way. There's nothing nice about it. Euphemisms are nothing I want to deal in. Death is a brutal, ugly, gut-wrenching deal, and sugar coating it doesn't do anyone a favor. Eric is dead. He will never stomp across the house again; he will never share a favorite movie again; he will never laugh at South Park, drink chocolate milk, come in to get Maude, or make a movie again.

And I miss him. And I have been missing him for a year.

Eric and I started off great. We both loved horror films, and he loved to share his favorites with me. I made a great egg mcmuffin, and when he could no longer eat the muffin because of his Celiac's, I made great scrambled eggs. We drove his dad crazy one night laughing hysterically while the GPS was going nutty, "Keep right at the next, keep right." every 30 seconds all the way from Troy to Royal Oak. When I was a bit tipsy we decided to go on a quest for Reese's, and we hopped in the van at 7:00 on a Sunday night so he could drive me all over Gladwin until we found a party store still open. We'd sit around the fire pit or on the back deck and just hang out. All was well.

In the last year, our relationship took a huge turn for the worse. He came home from film school, and felt isolated and angry and sometimes was frankly a jerk. And I, despite all of my understanding of adolescent angst, often responded back with at least an equal amount of jerkiness.

Things deteriorated quickly, and turned a bit nasty for a short time. Only a short time.

But, the damage had been done, and despite a few baby-steps here and there, our relationship wasn't what it used to be.

And I was sad.

And I wanted things to get better.

And I believed they would eventually.

And now they won't.

And I have to remember that for the rest of my life. And I will.

I will stop judging people; everyone has their "stuff" and I've got m own to worry about. I will be kind and patient, remembering that when someone is being a jerk, they have a reason for it, and it's probably that something in their life sucks. I will never miss the opportunity to love my loved-ones; work, tv, and the Internet can wait. I will be my better self. I will never again miss someone who I see everyday.

We only get so much time to stick around; I will spend it on the good.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Personal Timeline - the Earliest Years

August 11, 1968 - Managed to be born
September 13, 1968 - Got myself adopted
September 14, 1970 - Got myself a baby-bro
July 1973 - Moved to Apple Crest:
  • Met
    • Santa and Mrs Claus
    • Deanne, Kathy, and JJ
    • Wendy - the girl with the pink curtains
    • Mahdu
    • Jennifer - Lived on Parkridge!
  • Kickball - kick the can - statue
  • Tiffany Taylor - Barbie
  • Sewing clothes
  • baby oil and suntanning
  • Charlie's Angels
  • Swing set
  • Swimming pools - Kathy's and Deanne's
  • Michelle moves in
  • roller skates
  • bikes
1973/74 -  Kindergarten
  • Mrs Batser
  • Jeffery Bain
  • Graham crackers and peanut butter
  • sitting on the register waiting for the bus
  • bunnies - Gwendolyn and Mr Kesser
  • Mom room mother (until 3rd or 4th grade)
  • Sing a song
  • Wendy and gym - Mr Haley - standing on his hands
  • walking to school - taking shortcuts
  • PM!
73 - 78 Orchard Hills Elementary
  • "Grave" marker on front lawn
  • parking lot recess 
    • jumping rope - teddy bear and Cinderella
    • tether ball
    • wet
  • apple trees
  • pizza slide
  • cooties
  • fuzzy caterpillars
  • Mrs Hurst / Ms Burke / Mrs Alex
  • Campbell soup labels
  • Chicken Pox
  • Tammy ate glue
  • getting a ride from a STRANGER (with a helping hand)
  • Erin Berry, Dawn Gross
  • Christine Hauge, Lisa Hay
  • Brett Gillick and Snoopy
  • Andrea Kinsella 
  • swings

Thursday, January 10, 2013

My Life as a Book

Our Writing Into the Day prompt today was to "Write the back cover of the story of your life". Here goes:

Modeled after Wonder
Penny Lou Moore was born to a 16 year old girl who immediately put her up for adoption. As Penny grew up, she learned that as much as she loved her mom and dad and baby brother, she was more than ready to be on her own - and stay that way. She’s about to send her own kids off to college and is beginning to realize how hard that can be. The thing is, Penny just wants what's best for her kids, but that means letting go. How can she can she show her kids that leaving the house doesn’t mean leaving home?







Modeled after The Hunger Games
In the rural landscape of Clare County lies the village of Farwell, including a small school district fed by the surrounding sparsely populated area. Farwell Middle School is welcoming and supportive and keeps the teachers and students safe and successful by demanding the best from every person in the building. 

Middle-aged Penny Lou Lew entered teaching hesitantly when she completed college fourteen years ago. But Penny had faced challenges before - and middle school, for her, turned out to be second nature. Without really meaning to, she falls in love with the job and the kids. But if she is to make a real difference, she will have to push both herself and her students to achieve what many deem impossible.

food for today -



  • Breakfast
    • 2 mini-bagels with hummus and cream cheese
    • cran/water combo
  • Snack
    • apple
  • Lunch
    • chef salad
    • chocolate milk
    • apple
  • Snack
    • broccoli and cauliflower
    • 5ish tortilla chips
  • Supper
    • hot dog w/ baked beans, onions, cheddar
    • tater tots
    • cran/water combo
  • Snack
    • chai tea

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Hmmm - maybe I was a bit ambitious?

Okay - it seems that my life is too busy, or at least that journaling and walking Jasper are not high enough priorities, to keep to the exact letter of my resolutions. Every day blogging has proven to be an impossibility if I would like to get a reasonable amount of sleep, and since I didn't get home Monday or Tuesday night until after 8:00 I also didn't walk the boy.

However, I have been food-journaling in my head, and have been doing pretty well with eating decently. I really have motivation now - we're having a weight-loss thingy at work and so I got on a scale today for the first time in some time, and discovered that I weigh nearly 20 pounds more today than I did on October 30, 2001 (which was, incidentally, Carlos's day of birth). That was a bit breath-losing.

So, still no raiding the Butterfinger drawer, and I've been snacking on fresh veggies in the afternoon. I'm sure the weight will pour off any day now:)

One thing I for sure notice is that I'm absolutely not drinking enough (except for beer days:). I need to chug more water.

food for today:

  • Breakfast 
    • Whole-wheat mini-bagel with cream cheese and hummus
    • hot tea
  • Lunch (surprise!)
    • chef salad w/black beans
    • chocolate milk
  • Snack
    • broccoli
  • Supper
    • Homemade chicken noodle
    • 1/2 100% Cranberry = 1/2 water

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Resolutions - schmesolutions

Okay - I don't really mean that - I've made great resolutions, and I expect to at least strive towards them, but change is HARD! And making excuses is EASY!

For instance, I totally have no excuse to not walk Jasper EVERYDAY. The truth is, he loves his walks; I love his walks. The problem is, I just haven't made it enough of a priority to actually do it most days.  Okay - to hit the three-days-a-week goal, I still have three days to get in two walks, so it is certainly possible, and I will try very much to hit it, but . . . Well, let's be realistic, right?

The writing I'm doing a fairly good job on - even if my "novel" hasn't gotten any longer, I have been writing here pretty much every day - which does, in fact, count. And I expect to keep this up - really.

So - here goes the rest -


food for today -

  • Breakfast




    • egg salad (two eggs)
    • 10ish Triscuits (Triscuits always make me think of Sandy Duncan who always makes me think of Michelle Marckwardt - I'm not sure what the connection is there, but it's a strong one:)(And after Googling it, it appears that Sandy hawked Wheat Thins, not Triscuits - my childhood is full of these kind of mix-ups!)
    • Hot tea
  • Lunch 
    • oops - forgot to eat this meal!
  • Snack 
    • A bunch of delicious fresh tortilla chips left at home by Eric before he went back to college
  • Supper
    • New York Strip Steak - RARE!
    • Cottage Cheese
  • "Snack"
    • A bottle of Chardonnay (YIKES! At least it was the cheap stuff!)
spending for today
  • About $17 dollars on groceries (including steak and cottage cheese:)

Well, Poop

Didn't have time to write yesterday - so:

food for yesterday:

  • Breakfast
    • two pieces peanut butter and jelly on whole grain sourdough toast
    • glass of skim milk
    • hot tea
  • Lunch (this will be a big surprise:)
    • chef salad (with chicken this time:)
    • fruit salad (yummy yummy)
    • chocolate milk
  • Snack
    • LOTS of baby carrots
    • apple
  • Supper
    • taco salad
  • "Snack"
spending for yesterday:
  • $1 for the Tooth Fairy
  • $18 for the pints of Coal Stoker's and 2 Trainwrecks for John + tip for the lovely bartender
  • $100 for a keg of Cow Catcher Red Ale to feed our well-loved kegerator

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Just a Quick Check-in

It seems Carlos has inherited his Momma's teeth. He lost yet another one today - that makes four in the last two weeks or so. We thought he'd have to make a trip to the oral surgeon, as he had four adult teeth shoving over, but not out, the babies. But, with a little wiggle-help from Momma, a day at the doctor has been avoided. His poor sissy was never quite so lucky; only one of her teeth came out of its own volition, the rest had to be yanked out by the dentist with the exception of her two front teeth - one was knocked out by a basket-ball, and the other by a friend's head:)

What do you do with the baby teeth? I have a case of them from the kids; it seems wrong to throw them away, but it seems creepy to keep them. My dentist says she framed those of her son, but that seems a step up the creepy-staircase from throwing them in the junk drawer. Maybe we'll watch them dissolve in a cup of Coke one day?:)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Another pretty good day of resolution keeping.  Still staying away from the candy stash, but I need to bring in a good snack, because I am HUNGRY late morning and late afternoon. Hmmm - maybe some baby carrots or something?

food for today:

  • Breakfast
    • two small pieces of peanut-butter-and-jelly whole-grain sourdough toast
    • glass of skim milk
    • hot tea
  • Lunch (and I didn't copy and paste from yesterday!:)
    • Chef salad with black beans
    • fruit salad (yummy yummy)
    • apple
    • chocolate milk
  • Supper (at Wendy's - Carlos's treat:)
    • Jr. Cheeseburger deluxe
    • 1/2ish large fry
    • small Frostie
    • ice water
    • one spicy chicken nugget
  • Snack
    • chai tea
spending for today:
  • $0 - though I still owe the kid $2 - that'll get paid tomorrow!:)