Sunday, March 28, 2021

Work

My work history:

  1.  Babysitting - I started this in earnest when I was 11 for $1 an hour! I made flyers of a sort and left them in the mailboxes of neighbors who had little kids (which is funny because today I'd likely consider eleven as a little kid). And I never even considered asking my parents if this was okay first. I loved babysitting and was actually pretty good at it (according to the kids and parents), and I continued to babysit until my early 20s.
  2. McDonald's - Shortly after I turned 16, I applied at McDonald's using my chosen spelling of my name - Pennie (again without first consulting Mom and Dad). I remember that my sometimes-boyfriend, Jeff, drove me to my interview and I wore yellow sweatpants and pink and blue striped nail polish! Sheesh! I did get the job, and worked there for about three years. Apparently, at some point during that time, my mother worked there as well, but it seems that that was such a traumatic event that I've blocked it from my memory.
  3. Sears - I left McDonald's briefly to work in the children's department at Sears in the mall. I'd have to sometimes get to work at 5:30 am to unload deliveries, and sold children's clothes to Lance Parrish's wife! I really don't remember why I left this job; maybe I was offered a raise to return to McDonald's?
  4. Dish room - Worked VERY briefly in my dorm's dish room. Very gross.
  5. JCPenney - Seasonal work over my first college Christmas break. I started in Gifts and Lamps, and then when the return season started I was moved up to the woman's department. Left to return to CMU.
  6. KFC - Guernsey's - 7-11 - McDonald's The summer after my freshman year - I worked three jobs at a time PLUS took a pre-calc class. And I spent a lot of time consuming adult beverages with friends. I didn't sleep much that summer, and needless to say, I didn't do great in pre-calc.
  7. Dominos - So, I had just moved in to my first apartment, and I applied to deliver pizzas. First problem - I had a pretty crappy driving record, so they instead hired me to answer phones. Second problem - I wrote the wrong phone number down (this was back in the day when you'd get a new number every time you moved!) so they sent a driver to my apartment to offer me the job! Third (and last) problem - I was "on call" on a Saturday night (double whammy party night - Western Weekend AND Halloween). My roommate and I party hopped, and I dutifully called in at each new party. Finally, we landed at our friend's house; I called (for probably the 6th or 7th time); they said to come in; I passed out instead, and when I went to work the next day, my name had been erased from the schedule! Only job I've ever been fired from, but it turned into a blessing of sorts.
  8. The Main - My first "real" job - or at least the first one to pay me a living wage. I started out as a waitress, and soon moved up to bartender. I liked this job.
  9. Card Room - Dealt poker and sometimes blackjack and made the BIG bucks here. It was a great job until my ego got in the way, and then I hated it. I left and returned three times - once because of our move to Vegas, once because of my husband and I separated and he worked there, too, once because I was bitter about the policy to put Native Americans in a job that I was better qualified for. After my third return, I'd let go of all of my bitterness and just enjoyed the job again. I finally left because a policy change required part-timers to work at least two days a week and I was entering my second year of teaching AND 7 months pregnant. Had I been able to continue working one weekend a month, I may very well still be there.
  10. Sassy Sally's - I wore a HUGE yellow foam hat and tried to persuade people to come in and lose their money on a slot machine. It was a shitty job, but I appear in pictures with strangers from around the world!
  11. Nevada Palace - Sold change for slot machines. Another pretty shitty job, and REALLY hard on my body - I lugged around a hundred pounds of change in a tool belt. :P
  12. The Brass Saloon - Blech! Food waitressing for a pig of a boss and a manager who tried to under pay us. This was my job during the separation. It REALLY sucked!
  13. Morey Charter School - Listening Ear - Teaching Home - Again, I worked three jobs at once, this time because I left the casino because of my bitterness. These were all decent jobs, but even with working all three, I didn't make as much as I did at the casino, so after about a year, I went back to slinging cards.
  14. Substitute teaching - I nearly didn't include this one, because it was only for six weeks, but I did a long-term stint at an alternative middle school.
  15. Farwell Area Schools - When I did my taxes during my third year of teaching, it was the first time in my working career that I only had ONE w2. It was crazy. Been here ever since.


For many years, I LOVED teaching. Like, serious love. I would often weep with gratitude when I spoke with people about teaching, and I'd be eager to start a new year each fall. Then about 5 years ago, a crappy administrator changed all of that for me, and I am now counting down the days until I can retire. I am SO done, but the current health benefits and even more so the retirement health benefits are keeping me here for another four years. 

Some days - many days - I weep with horror at the reality that I need to continue doing this. And I weep for my broken heart because the glee that I used to feel every day at work was ripped from me. I know that my retirement will include a job, and I'm looking forward to one that I can actually leave at work.

Monday, February 22, 2021

Obstacles

After a lot of false starts and contemplation, I believe that my biggest obstacle is inertia. I can envision the life that I'd like to lead; I know what I have to do to get there (mostly), but instead I just sit around and daydream about my future or about the things I should have done in the past, and just let the present slide through my consciousness without really paying attention. I have all kinds of plans, but most of them just stay in "some day".

But hey, I'm making some progress. When I turned 50, I reintroduced my exercise habit and have done yoga nearly every day for the last two and a half years. I built on that and began a daily meditation practice a year ago, and last August, I became a certified yoga instructor, plus I can now do ten push ups! I've also been sewing more - I've made over a hundred masks in the last year, plus a pair of shorts for Carlos, a wallet for Al and one for me, and I'm working on my first quilt. I've developed a daily journaling habit - something I've been attempting for forty years - and I've sent birthday cards to important people in my life.

So, really, when I look at it more closely, maybe my biggest obstacle is that I focus on all of the stuff I want to do, but don't value the things I have done.

I don't know. This has been tough to write. Maybe overthinking is my biggest obstacle?

Friday, December 26, 2014

Regrets

Sunday was a great day that ended a great weekend. We did a fair amount of nothing, and since it was the first weekend of winter break, there wasn't any guilt involved. I made a DELICIOUS scrambled egg concoction for breakfast, followed that with a fruitless quest for a Christmas tree stand, then came home and watched football and drank a couple beers instead of wrapping presents - that could wait until Monday when we got the tree up.

John and I watched a movie in bed, and around 10:00 we began to wonder where Eric had been all day. It's not unusual for him to sleep and/or stay in his room until late in the evening, but we hadn't heard the usual music or YouTube commentary coming through the door. Figuring that he went someplace with his momma, and that's why his car was still in the driveway, John sent him a "Where are you?" text. Around midnight, after no response, He went into Eric's room and found him still asleep.

But we couldn't wake him up.

And when we shook him to try to wake him, he was cold to the touch.

And for the first time in my life, I called 911.

And our boy is dead. I don't know how to say it in a nicer way. I don't want to say it in a nicer way. There's nothing nice about it. Euphemisms are nothing I want to deal in. Death is a brutal, ugly, gut-wrenching deal, and sugar coating it doesn't do anyone a favor. Eric is dead. He will never stomp across the house again; he will never share a favorite movie again; he will never laugh at South Park, drink chocolate milk, come in to get Maude, or make a movie again.

And I miss him. And I have been missing him for a year.

Eric and I started off great. We both loved horror films, and he loved to share his favorites with me. I made a great egg mcmuffin, and when he could no longer eat the muffin because of his Celiac's, I made great scrambled eggs. We drove his dad crazy one night laughing hysterically while the GPS was going nutty, "Keep right at the next, keep right." every 30 seconds all the way from Troy to Royal Oak. When I was a bit tipsy we decided to go on a quest for Reese's, and we hopped in the van at 7:00 on a Sunday night so he could drive me all over Gladwin until we found a party store still open. We'd sit around the fire pit or on the back deck and just hang out. All was well.

In the last year, our relationship took a huge turn for the worse. He came home from film school, and felt isolated and angry and sometimes was frankly a jerk. And I, despite all of my understanding of adolescent angst, often responded back with at least an equal amount of jerkiness.

Things deteriorated quickly, and turned a bit nasty for a short time. Only a short time.

But, the damage had been done, and despite a few baby-steps here and there, our relationship wasn't what it used to be.

And I was sad.

And I wanted things to get better.

And I believed they would eventually.

And now they won't.

And I have to remember that for the rest of my life. And I will.

I will stop judging people; everyone has their "stuff" and I've got m own to worry about. I will be kind and patient, remembering that when someone is being a jerk, they have a reason for it, and it's probably that something in their life sucks. I will never miss the opportunity to love my loved-ones; work, tv, and the Internet can wait. I will be my better self. I will never again miss someone who I see everyday.

We only get so much time to stick around; I will spend it on the good.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Personal Timeline - the Earliest Years

August 11, 1968 - Managed to be born
September 13, 1968 - Got myself adopted
September 14, 1970 - Got myself a baby-bro
July 1973 - Moved to Apple Crest:
  • Met
    • Santa and Mrs Claus
    • Deanne, Kathy, and JJ
    • Wendy - the girl with the pink curtains
    • Mahdu
    • Jennifer - Lived on Parkridge!
  • Kickball - kick the can - statue
  • Tiffany Taylor - Barbie
  • Sewing clothes
  • baby oil and suntanning
  • Charlie's Angels
  • Swing set
  • Swimming pools - Kathy's and Deanne's
  • Michelle moves in
  • roller skates
  • bikes
1973/74 -  Kindergarten
  • Mrs Batser
  • Jeffery Bain
  • Graham crackers and peanut butter
  • sitting on the register waiting for the bus
  • bunnies - Gwendolyn and Mr Kesser
  • Mom room mother (until 3rd or 4th grade)
  • Sing a song
  • Wendy and gym - Mr Haley - standing on his hands
  • walking to school - taking shortcuts
  • PM!
73 - 78 Orchard Hills Elementary
  • "Grave" marker on front lawn
  • parking lot recess 
    • jumping rope - teddy bear and Cinderella
    • tether ball
    • wet
  • apple trees
  • pizza slide
  • cooties
  • fuzzy caterpillars
  • Mrs Hurst / Ms Burke / Mrs Alex
  • Campbell soup labels
  • Chicken Pox
  • Tammy ate glue
  • getting a ride from a STRANGER (with a helping hand)
  • Erin Berry, Dawn Gross
  • Christine Hauge, Lisa Hay
  • Brett Gillick and Snoopy
  • Andrea Kinsella 
  • swings

Thursday, January 10, 2013

My Life as a Book

Our Writing Into the Day prompt today was to "Write the back cover of the story of your life". Here goes:

Modeled after Wonder
Penny Lou Moore was born to a 16 year old girl who immediately put her up for adoption. As Penny grew up, she learned that as much as she loved her mom and dad and baby brother, she was more than ready to be on her own - and stay that way. She’s about to send her own kids off to college and is beginning to realize how hard that can be. The thing is, Penny just wants what's best for her kids, but that means letting go. How can she can she show her kids that leaving the house doesn’t mean leaving home?







Modeled after The Hunger Games
In the rural landscape of Clare County lies the village of Farwell, including a small school district fed by the surrounding sparsely populated area. Farwell Middle School is welcoming and supportive and keeps the teachers and students safe and successful by demanding the best from every person in the building. 

Middle-aged Penny Lou Lew entered teaching hesitantly when she completed college fourteen years ago. But Penny had faced challenges before - and middle school, for her, turned out to be second nature. Without really meaning to, she falls in love with the job and the kids. But if she is to make a real difference, she will have to push both herself and her students to achieve what many deem impossible.

food for today -



  • Breakfast
    • 2 mini-bagels with hummus and cream cheese
    • cran/water combo
  • Snack
    • apple
  • Lunch
    • chef salad
    • chocolate milk
    • apple
  • Snack
    • broccoli and cauliflower
    • 5ish tortilla chips
  • Supper
    • hot dog w/ baked beans, onions, cheddar
    • tater tots
    • cran/water combo
  • Snack
    • chai tea

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Hmmm - maybe I was a bit ambitious?

Okay - it seems that my life is too busy, or at least that journaling and walking Jasper are not high enough priorities, to keep to the exact letter of my resolutions. Every day blogging has proven to be an impossibility if I would like to get a reasonable amount of sleep, and since I didn't get home Monday or Tuesday night until after 8:00 I also didn't walk the boy.

However, I have been food-journaling in my head, and have been doing pretty well with eating decently. I really have motivation now - we're having a weight-loss thingy at work and so I got on a scale today for the first time in some time, and discovered that I weigh nearly 20 pounds more today than I did on October 30, 2001 (which was, incidentally, Carlos's day of birth). That was a bit breath-losing.

So, still no raiding the Butterfinger drawer, and I've been snacking on fresh veggies in the afternoon. I'm sure the weight will pour off any day now:)

One thing I for sure notice is that I'm absolutely not drinking enough (except for beer days:). I need to chug more water.

food for today:

  • Breakfast 
    • Whole-wheat mini-bagel with cream cheese and hummus
    • hot tea
  • Lunch (surprise!)
    • chef salad w/black beans
    • chocolate milk
  • Snack
    • broccoli
  • Supper
    • Homemade chicken noodle
    • 1/2 100% Cranberry = 1/2 water

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Resolutions - schmesolutions

Okay - I don't really mean that - I've made great resolutions, and I expect to at least strive towards them, but change is HARD! And making excuses is EASY!

For instance, I totally have no excuse to not walk Jasper EVERYDAY. The truth is, he loves his walks; I love his walks. The problem is, I just haven't made it enough of a priority to actually do it most days.  Okay - to hit the three-days-a-week goal, I still have three days to get in two walks, so it is certainly possible, and I will try very much to hit it, but . . . Well, let's be realistic, right?

The writing I'm doing a fairly good job on - even if my "novel" hasn't gotten any longer, I have been writing here pretty much every day - which does, in fact, count. And I expect to keep this up - really.

So - here goes the rest -


food for today -

  • Breakfast




    • egg salad (two eggs)
    • 10ish Triscuits (Triscuits always make me think of Sandy Duncan who always makes me think of Michelle Marckwardt - I'm not sure what the connection is there, but it's a strong one:)(And after Googling it, it appears that Sandy hawked Wheat Thins, not Triscuits - my childhood is full of these kind of mix-ups!)
    • Hot tea
  • Lunch 
    • oops - forgot to eat this meal!
  • Snack 
    • A bunch of delicious fresh tortilla chips left at home by Eric before he went back to college
  • Supper
    • New York Strip Steak - RARE!
    • Cottage Cheese
  • "Snack"
    • A bottle of Chardonnay (YIKES! At least it was the cheap stuff!)
spending for today
  • About $17 dollars on groceries (including steak and cottage cheese:)