I mean I've posted all sorts of positive things to social media - but that seems like a pretty lame thing right around now. Social media has become so ugly, that I don't really want to take any credit for any part of it - even positive messages can be seen in a negative skew.
As a teacher, I know I've contributed positively to the world; I've made kids' lives better by accepting them and giving them room to become themselves. Even as a sub, I know that I'm making some impact, and it is making me consider returning to the classroom full time to broaden that impact. But I wonder if it's the right thing for me?
When I've donated money, it's because it's a cause that I believe improves the world in some way - NPR, Black Farmers, WWF, NOW, GLSN, etc - and I have the means to help, even in a small way. I often feel like I should do more.
I have performed random acts of kindness, but I don't like to advertise them - I feel like it cheapens the sentiment if I share these acts publicly, or even privately with anyone not directly involved with the act. Sometimes, I don't even share my specific role in the act with the person on the receiving end. It does make me feel good to be specifically kind, but I don't need credit beyond my own knowing of it.
I don't feel like I contribute to my family and friends enough. I get too hermity, or passive aggressive in my desire to make things "perfect" or at least better.
I want to be better. I want to stop being so selfish. I want to go back in time and fix my mistakes. I want to figure out how to move forward with the mistakes I can't fix.
